Have you ever not written in your journal because either something has happened that you'd prefer to forget? or maybe there's just so much that happened that it's just too overwhelming to think about writing it all down. That's honestly how I've felt about my life over the last year... pretty much since I came home from my mission. I have extremely good journal entries from my mission up until the night before I came home. Today, I'm still working on filling up that exact same journal I had that last night in Texas. Then, there was maybe only 20 pages left. If that.
I've wondered why this was over the past while, because I've noticed my lack of desire to get my thoughts down on paper. It used to be this release of energy for me. I would write vigorously everything I was thinking, hoping for, and bothered by. For some reason my journal has never been 100% focused on actual events in my day, more just my thoughts rapidly recorded, pages and pages long. Much of my journal was taken up by my thoughts about what I hoped for my future. Ever since I got home and real life started happening I think I kind of had to get my head out of the clouds and actually live in reality, make decisions and grow up. Much of those decisions and preparations involved building my life with Sean and figuring out how we would survive together as students for a few years. I think one of the other reasons why I don't need my journal as much anymore is because I have Sean tell everything to. Before I held some things in, but now I don't really. Sorry journal, your place was taken. :)
The other reason why I think I don't write as much anymore is because of something related to a post I've already written about how I'm not going to figure out life just by thinking about it... more likely by living it. If only you knew how much time I spent thinking... haha. This is a random sidenote: When I was a freshman living in the dorms my friend Layne was my roommate. At night I would lie in bed before falling asleep and just stare at the ceiling thinking about everything. Sometimes I would randomly say things to Layne about what I was thinking about--the boy I liked, my classes, what my major should be, who I would really marry, etc. etc. Usually she was up late doing homework. But, we had this running joke that all Layne had to do was basically acknowledge the fact that I was talking with a "mmmhmm" or "yeah" and I would be completely content thinking out loud. The other joke was that I looked kind of dead just staring at the ceiling all weird like that. haha...
Anyways, my point is that my journal stage has faded for now. I like this blogging thing though because I can share things that happened, photos etc, as well as ideas that other people can read. I guess we can all learn from eachother.
mmmhmm, yeah. ok megan :) No really, I remember how much you loved to write in your journal and I was always impressed by that. Blogging is a great way to write and organize thoughts and ideas but journal writing still has a time and a place. I've definitely let that slide though since I've come home. There's so much of life to write about it's easier to live it then record it. You have great ideas though, I've always enjoyed listening to you spout them off. Yay for being able to read your blog :)
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